What Do You Mean, You Can't Eat In My Home? A Guide To How Newly Observant Jews And Their Less-Observant Relatives Can Still Get Along

Why is food such a big deal? So much of Judaism, both religious and secular, is focused around the kitchen table and the stomach that you may have heard the following joke: How can you sum up many Jewish holidays in four sentences? 1.They tried to kill us. 2.They failed. 3.We won. 4.Let's eat! Name the Jewish holiday and the first thing that comes to mind is food. Chanukahlatkes; Rosh Hashanahapples and honey; Pesachmatzoh brei; Purimhamentashen; Shabbosgefilte fish and kugel. Even some secular Jews refer to themselves with pride as "bagel and lox" Jews; they have shunned any form of religiosity, but they display their ethnic pride through what they consider one of the best parts of being a Jewthe food! Food is often at the center of a family's life together, and anything that threatens a family's ability to eat together is seen as tearing apart the fabric of family life. Telling your mother you can't eat the food she has lovingly prepared for you in her kitchen may devastate the woman who has been feeding you from the day you were born. It is estimated that only 10 percent of American Jews keep kosher todayall Orthodox Jews, some Conservative Jews, and a smaller percentage of Reform and Reconstructionist Jews. Even within that 10 percent, there are varying levels of kashrus observance in and out of the home. If your family's level of kashrus observance is not identical to yours and you don't take the time to prepare your family for your kashrus requirements, you will encounter dismay and confusion when you attempt to eat together. Let's start by helping your family understand the philosophical underpinnings of keeping kosher. You will have to be able to explain to your family why you keep kosher and what keeping kosher actually entails. Your family may have only a cursory knowledge of kashrus and may hold some negative assumptions, which may lead to misunderstandings that can fuel unnecessary arguments. This can be especially tricky if your family does keep kosher, but not the same way that you do. So let's try to answer the first basic question. Why keep Kosher? How some nonobservant Jews view Kashrus Many nonobservant Jews will acknowledge that, if they go back enough generations, they will come upon an ancestor who kept kosher. They will usually give one or more of the following explanations for why they do not believe it is necessary to continue this practice: Keeping kosher is no longer necessary or practical in modern-day, assimilated America. Keeping kosher separates observant Jews from nonobservant family members, friends, neighbors, and coworkers. It also makes them appear elitist, i.e., too good to eat the food of a decent fellow Jew or of anyone else with a clean kitchen and a good heart. The laws of kashrus were probably invented to protect Jews from unsanitary food preparation practices, but this is no longer necessary in today's highly regulated food-processing environment. Kosher food is expensive, and buying and preparing it is inconvenient. Keeping kosher unnecessarily limits what kinds of food can be consumed in a country where we are fortunate enough to enjoy a high standard of living and in a world where we have a bountiful variety of foods from which to choose. Keeping kosher makes it nearly impossible to go out to eat, unless you happen to live in an Orthodox Jewish neighborhood where there are kosher restaurants. Keeping kosher creates big headaches at family gatherings and celebrations, when the focus should be on enjoying oneself and not on worrying about whether the hot dogs are kosJaffe, Azriela is the author of 'What Do You Mean, You Can't Eat In My Home? A Guide To How Newly Observant Jews And Their Less-Observant Relatives Can Still Get Along', published 2005 under ISBN 9780805242218 and ISBN 080524221X.