The Eyes of a King

These are the last words I will write. "Tell me everything from the beginning," you said. "Explain to me why you did it." I have. There is nothing left to tell you anymore. The dust drifts across the paving of the silent balcony. A dark windthe first wind of autumnrifles through the pages and draws the stars behind it into the fading sky. Light and laughter are rising from the rooms far below; still farther below that, the lights of the city are emerging in the settling darkness. When you were here, half an hour ago, you lit a lamp for me. The breeze makes it waver now and turns the pages back to the beginning. This book is the past five years of my life. How can I close it now? I do not have the strength to go down into the noise and the light of the party. So I turn the pages of the book instead, tracing the words I wrote. There are parts of this story that still haunt my dreams, that repeat themselves in all my waking thoughts and refuse to let go. But I did not begin by writing about those things. I began with the book, and the snow. VWX The snow began to fall as I walked home. It was dark, though barely five o'clock, and cold. My breath billowed white in the darkness and everything was quiet. Even the jangle and thud of the soldiers' horses seemed deadened. The flakes were so cold that they almost burned where they touched my face, and they lodged on my clothes and stuck fast. I tried to brush them away and pulled my coat up tighter about my neck. I was used to snowwe all werebut not at the end of May. It looked set to stay cold for at least a week. We got more than enough snow in the winter. There was a sort of beauty in it, I suppose. The clouds had closed like a lid over the narrow squares of sky, and already the gas lamps were lit. The snow caked on their panes and glowed yellow. I stopped still, and then it was almost completely silent, without even the wet crunch of my footsteps. Quiet, not silent. Through the still air I could hear the feathery sound of the snowflakes settling. I looked up into the sky. The way the snowflakes swelled in toward my face made me feel as if I was rising. It got darker. It got colder. I started to think about going home, but I didn't. I began to shiver, but I went on staring into the sky. It got still darker. I would have stood there all night, perhaps. It was like an enchantment. And I did not want to go home yet anyway. The constant frantic motion of the snowflakes made me dizzy, and my neck ached from looking upward. Still the snow fell. I was hypnotized. Suddenly I felt someone was near to me. The spell was broken. I was back in the street again. I looked around, but there was no one. Only a presence in the air, as if someone was hiding in the shadows. I felt sick suddenly. There were ghosts here perhaps, invisible spirits moving close by. I turned away. Before I had taken three steps, my foot met with something heavy and I stumbled. There was a black shape in the snow, spotted with the flakes my feet had thrown up. At first I thought it was a dead animala rat perhapslying there frozen. I bent closer. And I saw that it was not an animal at all but a book. Just a book. I reached out toward it cautiously. I could still feel a strange presencesomeone else's thoughts like a vapor in the air. I willed the book's cover to lift itself, with the slightest tensing of my fingers and my mind. It didn't stir. That was a trick I'd known for years, and it usually worked. Although it was only a cheap trick, no more. It did not even work on the Bible. I was suspicious of the book. I did not know if I should touch it. Perhaps it would be better to leave it where it was. I turned to walk away. But I could nBanner, Catherine is the author of 'The Eyes of a King', published 2008 under ISBN 9780375838750 and ISBN 0375838759.