Dr. Spock on Parenting Sensible, Reassuring Advice for Contemporary Parents

Chapter One: Anxieties in Our Lives CAN WE EASE OUR TENSIONS?TO WORK OUTSIDE OR NOTLATE PARENTINGCAN YOU RAISE SUPERKIDS?ABDUCTORS AND MOLESTERSCan We Ease Our Tensions?I believe ours is the most stressful country in the world, though this doesn't need to be. We aren't more conscious of our distress because a majority of us are still financially more comfortable than the people of other countries, and this material wealth anesthetizes us.Why are we so tense? To begin with, we've lost sources of security and comfort that our ancestors relied on up to a few generations ago. We aren't even aware of what we've lost.Back when so much in the universe was considered mysterious and known only to God, a far greater number of us had a strong sense of having been created in his or her image and of being guided every hour of the day by God's concern. Today, the sciences have appeared to take over much of the authority that was formerly God's, yet they are too impersonal to serve as guides; worse, they have fragmented and demoted us into feeling that we are merely biological and psychological mechanisms, only a little more complex than other animals, adapting to various sociological backgrounds. So we have lost much of our sense of dignity as individuals. We don't have souls anymore.People used to live with or close to their relatives, in the extended family. Young couples could get prompt help with child care, marital difficulties, financial crises, illnesses; sitters were always at hand. This added up to a great emotional security but we don't know enough to miss it. In fact we pity the couple who takes in a grandparent: "The poor Jenkinses, they have to havehermother living with them."Most Americans once lived in small, tight-knit communities where they were well known and could count on caring neighbors. They felt a corresponding obligation to help others and to participate in local affairs. Nowadays young couples hurry to large cities for better jobs, where they can depend only on themselves and feel isolated. They are apt to move often. It's a rootless existence; we take this for granted, but it surely takes its toll.Mothers as well as fathers take outside jobs in 50 percent of families with preschool children. Whatever the reason -- financial or emotional -- they have every right to jobs and careers. Unfortunately, however, in this country we haven't solved the problem of providing high-quality day care. Good day care must be subsidized by government or industry for families with modest incomes, but our government says it can't afford to help. So children are being neglected in large numbers and will show the effects in their characters for life.The tensions of our society must contribute to our high divorce rate, which has doubled in the last fifteen years. Then divorce itself creates new symptoms of distress -- in all the children and in both parents -- for at least two years. Then come the distresses of the stepfamily, which may last for many years and can't be imagined until experienced, as I found out myself. Currently there are nearly as many stepfamilies as nonstepfamilies in the United States. For the first time, original nuclear families will be the minority.Factors contributing to divorce are briefness of acquaintance before marriage and marriage at an early age. I suspect another factor is that very many American youths have been favored with all the possessions and privileges their parents could possibly afford, including, in some families I've known, a car for the sixteenth birthday. This is far beyond what youths expect in other industrial nations. Money has been relatively easy to earn. Most high schools and universities have not been academically difficult compared to those in other countries. In other words, many youths have been able to get most of what they wanted without great effort. So they expect marriage to provide all imaginSpock, Benjamin M. is the author of 'Dr. Spock on Parenting Sensible, Reassuring Advice for Contemporary Parents' with ISBN 9780743426831 and ISBN 0743426835.