Don't Tell Me What to Do, Just Send Money The Essential Parenting Guide to the College Years

Introduction Congratulations! You have made it through eighteen years of parenting and your child is ready to embark on that great personal journey called the college years. You are not alone if you feel a mixture of excitement and dread as you send your child off to college. Few parents really know what to expect from the college years. At best, you may have a slim brochure from the school's admissions office telling you about the academic and social aspects of college life for your child. And you will certainly have heard from the office that collects tuition. But what about your adjustment to the changes about to take place? As your child grew up, you had plenty of advice about child rearing from books, family members, and friends. You probably noticed that these resources dwindled as your child approached the teen years. Somehow talking about teens and their developmental issues is harder than talking about toilet training and the adjustment to nursery school. Why? Because the issues get scarier and your teenager's need to pull away from the family and create a separate identity can be both troubling and rewarding. You may be confused and even embarrassed by your child's behavior as he experiments with being an adult. This happens most dramatically during the college years. Parents of our generation have been, and continue to be, more involved in our children's education and development than any generation in American history. We are the parents who took childbirth classes, debated the merits of nursery schools, arranged play dates, carpooled to soccer games, organized violin lessons, and took the grand college tour. We have consumed parenting "how to" books in record numbers. But, until now, there has not been a practical guide that offers concrete advice on how to manage the challenges and changes that accompany our children's college years. What parent hasn't waited anxiously for a phone call from college and then not received one? What parent hasn't asked, "What is my role now that my child is away from home?" "Why does my child seem so independent one minute but confused and indecisive the next?" "How will I know if my child is in trouble and what should I do about it?" "Who is this person with a new tattoo and an attitude sitting at the Thanksgiving dinner table?" "Why does she seem to reject all of the values we taught her?" "Will my child get a good job after college and have her own health insurance?" "What in the world will he do with a degree in art history?" And what parent hasn't questioned the cost of college and wondered if it was worth it? Drawing on adolescent development theory and our years of experience with undergraduates and parents, we provide practical advice to parents on these and other questions. Through the use of dialogues and scenarios, this book demonstrates how parents can adjust their expectations to anticipate the inevitable transformation in the parent-child relationship. We encourage parents to adopt a mentor/advisor role, showing, through actual examples, how important it is to relinquish control and instead provide guidance and support. We also offer communication and problem-solving strategies that support the development of a healthy adult-to-adult relationship that will serve you well in the years to come. Each of us has had more than two decades of experience working with college students and their parents at small liberal arts colleges, state schools, and some of America's most prestigious universities. Our insights result from focus group research with both parents and undergraduates, as well as from years of counseling and program development, including parent-orientation programs, parents weekends, and new student orientations. Focus groups conducted in seven cities across the country with parents of college students revealed how eager they are for practical information and advice. Parents from Long Island to San FranciscoJohnson, Helen E. is the author of 'Don't Tell Me What to Do, Just Send Money The Essential Parenting Guide to the College Years' with ISBN 9780312263744 and ISBN 0312263740.