You Didn't Hear It from Us Two Bartenders Serve Women the Truth About Men, Making an Impression, and Getting What You Want

TRUTH ONE You Can Use Your Insecurity to Your Advantage It always makes us laugh when women confide in us, "I'm so uncomfortable in a bar. My friends seem so at ease, but I can't quite figure it out." We're laughing with compassion, because we know something our female clients don't: Everyone feels uncomfortable on first walking into a social situation. That's why so many people drink too much: to take the edge off the shyness. We don't know a single woman out there who doesn't experience nights of feeling shy, or unattractive, or like the only fraud in the room who's faking it while everyone else seems to naturally understand exactly what's going on. As one of our women friends said the other night, "It's like everyone else has gotten the rule book to life, and now Amazon.com is all sold out." Sure, some people are more comfortable than others in a social setting, but no one, and we meanno one, is comfortable going to a bar and looking for love. Going out with your friends to grab a drink? Of course. Visiting your local bartending friend to catch up? Absolutely. But there isn't a woman or man out there who walks into a public place hoping to attract attention who isn't also worried about not getting any at all, or worse, about getting the wrong kind. That someone will have the power to look into their deepest soul, and in the time it takes to finish off a beer, see everything that's wrong with them. But here's a newsflash, and it's a comforting one: Unless you sit there rocking back and forth on your bar stool having a conversation with your invisible friend while sucking your thumb, no one is going to think you're a loser. It's not going to occur tous, because we, your bartenders, are too busy working, and it's not going to occur to the men sitting there beside you, because they're too worried about their own insecurities. Plus, there are plenty of men who are interested in shy women, who find comfort in them. As one customer told us, "A girl who looks shy and reserved in a crowded, noisy room is intriguing to me. It means she's probably watching the room like I am." There's only one way a guy is going to pick up on your insecurity, and that's if you announce it. Which you're not going to do, because you are an adult. And as an adult in a public place, you know how to act, even if you sometimes feel unsteady. There has never been one single time that a man has approached you and you actuallydidthrow up. Remember: Feelings aren't facts. And even at your most painfully insecure, there are still ways that you can make insecurity work to your advantage. Not to mention several easy ways to distract yourself and others from the momentary reality of how you're feeling. A Smile's Worth a Thousand Words Honestly. A genuine, open smile is the most attractive accessory a woman can have, especially if it's aimed in a man's direction, or he's the reason why that smile is there. Just the other night we watched this woman who walked into the bar, clearly not feeling her best. Her shoulders were slumped, and she spent a lot of time looking at the floor. One man started to talk to her and for the first few minutes, we were worried she was going to lose his attention if she didn't say a word. But then he said something to make her smile, and that smile just lit up the room. In that moment, we turned our backs because we knew the two of them would be just fine. He was pleased at being able to make her feel happy, and she forgot that she hadn't been feeling so great. She allowed herself to find pleasure in him, and in the moment, and it showed. She was able to be magnetic even when she wasn't necessarily feeling it. We recently did a casual poll in our bZaric, Dushan is the author of 'You Didn't Hear It from Us Two Bartenders Serve Women the Truth About Men, Making an Impression, and Getting What You Want', published 2006 under ISBN 9780743293433 and ISBN 0743293436.