Whitney Chronicles

September 14 spin*ster: 1. A woman who spins. Alfred the Great in his will, called the female part of his family the spindle side. In Saxon times, it was believed that a woman wasn't ready to marry until she'd spun her own table, bed and body linens. Any maiden or any unmarried woman was considered a spinner, or spinster. 2. An unmarried woman; an old maid. My name is Whitney Blake and not only is today my birthday, but it's also the day I outgrew my fat pants. My friend Kim Easton told me the most depressing day of her life was the day she realized she'd outgrown her maternity clothes and she wasn't even pregnant. I feel her pain. Kim told me--and she had it from a good source, Oprah, maybe--that keeping a journal is an important part of knowing oneself. She says it will be especially good for me because, at thirty, I'm unmarried and currently stuck somewhere between death and puberty. It is also proof that I'm actually learning and maturing over the course of my life. I'm starting my journal today because I need proof that by this time next year I'll have learned or accomplished something. My goal is not to be a useless leech on the crust of the earth. Turning the big three-oh was more of a shock than I'd expected. Last year I was in total denial about the inevitability of this birthday. I didn't reach a single goal I'd set for myself. "Lose ten pounds" turned into "lose fifteen." "Exercise daily" became "exercise monthly." And "meet a nice Christian man" should have been "meet a breathing one." Kim gave me this journal as a birthday gift. She had the words TheWhitney Chronicles printed in gold on the cover. She hopes that will intimidate me into using it. Well, here goes. Goals for my thirtieth year: Today: Begin a journal in which I will give a daily account of my life and how I am improving mentally, spiritually and physically and progressing toward my year-end goals. (That's pompous-sounding... Oh, well.) This week: Give check to children's ministry so as not to be tempted to spend it like I did last month. (Note--give double this month.) Wax my legs. Bleach my teeth. Floss daily. Return black blouse (unneeded, as I already have three). Put myself on a budget. Follow it for a change. Be the perfect employee no matter what my boss, Harry, throws at me. Continue practice of adding words to my vocabulary, e.g., "spinster." My mother is sure that if I don't get in gear soon, I'm in dire jeopardy of becoming one. Although I'm not worried about spending the rest of my life making tablecloths and bedding, I don't want to end up alone in a high-rise condominium brushing a crotchety Pekinese and wondering if, when my Prince Charming does come, I'll be able to find my bifocals and upper plate. This month: Lose six...no, four...no, two...no, four... okay, five pounds sensibly. Then, in three months, I can wear all the clothes in my closet again. Exercise. Do not let my mother drive me crazy (a particularly difficult project). Get organized. Start by cleaning closets. Quit falling for every organizing gadget on the market. No more hanging shoe racks, drawer dividers or file cabinets. And, under no circumstances, another set of plastic drawers on wheels. Have friends over for dinner. Read my Bible more. Pray more, obsess less. This year: Lose fifteen pounds, make a career step (preferably upward). Learn how to change a tire. Find a new hairstyle. Quit thinking of self as chubby. Become less of a couch potato and more of a social butterf ly. Give up being an introvert. Become a raging extrovert. Meet and date a nice Christian man.... Clarification! Meet but do not date a nice Christian man--I do not need a man to make my life complete or to feel whole. Besides, Kim says diffidence is the best way to catch a guy anyway. And, like my monthly goal, ditto onBaer, Judy is the author of 'Whitney Chronicles ', published 2006 under ISBN 9780373785520 and ISBN 0373785526.