What Children Need When They Grieve The Four Essentials Routine, Love, Honesty, and Security

Our Story On September 11, 2001, my husband, David, was killed by terrorists in the attack on the World Trade Center. We had just celebrated our fifteenth wedding anniversary. We had met each other over the Atlantic on a flight from London to New York. He was English and I am American. It was a match made in heaven, or certainly pretty close to it given our altitude at the time. We had three beautiful, happy children to show from our years together. Emma was twelve, and identical twins, Ian and Matthew, were ten. We had a fun family vacation planned for November when we were going to celebrate our anniversary and my upcoming fortieth birthday. Never did we anticipate the turn of events on that terrible day. It started out as a very normal day. No different from any other. David got up and got ready for work while we all still slept peacefully in our beds. He didn't go in to say good-bye to the children because he didn't like to wake them, so that morning the children never got to kiss him. He always woke me up, though, and I still remember his kiss good-bye that soon-to-be-dreadful morning. School had just started for the children the previous week, and all three were enjoying being back with their friends and adjusting to their new schedules and teachers. It was fun until that day. I was at home when I heard the news, just on my way out the door. My brother called to tell me that a plane had hit the World Trade Center. I immediately tried calling David but got no reply on his work or cell phone. After that, I ran upstairs to turn on the television to see what exactly was going on. As soon as I saw the screen, my heart leapt and I felt dizzy. A gaping hole was in the same building David worked in, and right around the area of David's office. Not knowing what to do, I called two friends who came over immediately. Frantically, I tried every way I knew how to get in touch with David. Then, miraculously, he called. I thought he was safe. I started talking away, asking questions, but he quickly interrupted me and told me that he was trapped on the eighty-third floor. He was surrounded by smoke and was with two female colleagues, whom he was trying to comfort and protect. They had no way of escape. David had been just below the point of impact when the plane struck the building because he had been in a meeting on a floor beneath his office. After the plane hit, people around him were discussing the need to evacuate when an announcement was made over the loudspeaker. Workers were told to return to their offices, and that there was no need to evacuate. David took the elevator up to his office on the eighty-third floor and waited for further instruction. Shortly thereafter, everyone realized the necessity of getting out of the building. Waiting patiently for an elevator to arrive, there was limited space with the mass exodus and David graciously stood back saying that he would wait for another elevator to arrive. One never did. With this final phone call, David wanted the children and me to know that he loved us very much. He was trying to get out and had called 911, but the smoke was thick and his chest was tight and burning. He had plenty of water, though, and a handkerchief with which to cover his mouth. I promised him that I would try to get help and I instructed him on what to do in a smoke-filled room. I even made suggestions on how he could perhaps get to the stairs, using desks or chairs as a guiding path. After too brief a conversation, David said that he had to go because it was becoming difficult to talk. He was struggling to find air. Reluctantly, I hung up the phone. Immediately, I was overwhelmed with a feeling of panic and helplessness. What could I do to help David? I had to be there for him. How could I save him? I frantically called 911, the New York City Police Department, our local police department, and anyone else I could think of who might be able to help. EverywheWilcox Rathkey, Julia is the author of 'What Children Need When They Grieve The Four Essentials Routine, Love, Honesty, and Security', published 2004 under ISBN 9781400051168 and ISBN 1400051169.