Wedding Sanity Savers How To Handle The Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes, And Questions That Arise On The Road To Your Perfect Day

One Engaged and Becoming a "We" You're engaged! And suddenly you realize it's about more than wearing a ring. It's more than choosing the music and the flowers. You are in the process of becoming part of a "we." Even though by day you are bombarded by the choices you have to make (which ring, venue, dress, flowers, food, photographer are right for your special day), in the quiet of the evenings you may be contemplating the reality and the highs and lows of becoming a married person. There are definite phases in the wedding process, all of which lead to being altered at the altar. Not everyone will experience these phases in the same way, but recognizing that they exist will make your life a little easier. It's OK to experience some fears and doubts. After all, it is normal to feel fear when jumping into the unknown (in this case, marriage). In the weeks and months ahead, do your best to stay in the moment rather than let your imagination run wild with thoughts of the future. Do your best to embrace the upcoming "new." And remember that no amount of frenetic racing to make all of the "right" decisions will put your mind and heart at rest. Rather, this adjustment in identity takes time and will happen within you at your own pace. All of us have varying degrees of flexibility when it comes to change, and the process of falling in love, becoming engaged, getting married, and then living life as a couple certainly alters the landscape of your world. Moreover, since every courtship and every wedding is different, it's not easy to create a general guide to each of the various stages. There are some commonalities, however: You are being asked to make a huge change in your life; you are being asked to make a lifetime commitment; you are adjusting to becoming a member of someone else's family; and you have been thrust into the center of attention while experiencing a major change in identity. There will be days when you feel as though you are compromising a lot of what makes you the person someone wants to marry. Take it from us: It is virtually impossible to glide through it flawlessly. Don't expect to. Do expect ups and downs. Along the way you will find out a lot about yourself, your fiance, and about the family that raised you and the one you are marrying into. Your challenge is to stay true to yourself and at the same time remain open to what lies ahead. Becoming a part of a "we" is a process of growth. Part of the new we is setting up a home together. If you're not already living together, this can be a major adventure. It is only when you are both in one place that you can truly begin to build your life together, creating your own rituals and routines as a committed couple. Whether you do it before or after the wedding, there are issues to be addressed. If you have some growing pains with this (if you sometimes get on each other's nerves, if you suddenly find habits annoying in your partner, ones that didn't bother you before), it doesn't mean you're not meant to be together. It is simply part of negotiating as you share the same space. Setting up the home, room by room, is one thing. Maintaining your personal space, making your own decisions, and keeping yourselves happy both separately and together takes some work. Here are a few of the common hurdles that arise when merging two lives under one roof, along with some basic troubleshooting tips: Are you moving into his existing space or is he moving into your sacred home? Remember that it is important that neither partner feels like a permanent guest. Make sure that both of you are reflected in your home. This may mean adding new decorative elements, rearranging the furniture, reorganizing the kitchen cupboards, or changing the message on the answering machine and the name on the mailbox. Both partners need to be sensitive that these changes are not always easy. GiviAtkins, Dale V. is the author of 'Wedding Sanity Savers How To Handle The Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes, And Questions That Arise On The Road To Your Perfect Day', published 2005 under ISBN 9780767918749 and ISBN 0767918746.