Vows The African-American Couples' Guide to Designing a Sacred Ceremony

Introduction: The Pledge of Partnership The moment you officially declare your love and commitment for one another will echo in your memory for years to come. The day, the time, the ambiance, the guests, the flowers -- everything contributes to making your wedding a beautiful experience. You likely will spend countless hours in preparation for your big day. When your wedding day or collection of days comes, you will discover that the moment when you actually become married is precious and fleeting. Indeed, the wedding ceremony itself is but a part of the celebration.This book is dedicated to that sacred space of time when you and your beloved become one as partners on life's grand journey. What's amazing is that no matter what your religion or family background, the wedding ceremony itself is generally quite simple. The components are basic: In the company of witnesses -- usually members of your spiritual, familial, and social communities -- you stand before one another and pledge to spend your lives together. In the tradition of our African ancestors, what makes a union sacred is standing before God, your loved ones, and the ancestors, creating a covenant of strength and integrity that will support you in the days to come. You commonly offer each other a symbol of your love -- a ring or other piece of jewelry. You state your commitment using words that have resonated throughout the ages as a pledge to marriage, or through words of your own choosing. And then you celebrate with your loved ones, sealing the union with the breaking of bread.So why a book about the sacred ceremony? Having been married for more than ten years now, as well as having produced numerous weddings for couples and advised on even more, I see how powerful and ephemeral the moment of commitment can be. I recognize how easy (and common) it is for couples to leave the details of the ceremony to the celebrant while they focus on the rest -- everything from the clothing to the feast and entertainment. I see how the very reason for having a sumptuous celebration often gets swallowed up in the magnitude of the planning. And I understand how important it is for couples to slow down long enough to pay attention to what really matters at the heart of this day: their commitment to one another.I encourage each of you to take the time to contemplate what your marriage will mean as your life together unfolds. Before you get caught up in the busyness of planning an event large or small, focus on the two of you. Reflect on what this union means and how you intend to nurture it, to put each other first, so that it will blossom into a life worth living.When you take the time to consider how to capture the essence of your union in a sacred event, your unique wedding will come to life. Each aspect of your wedding ceremony is special. The readings that you include will illuminate the road you already have begun to travel. The people you invite to stand up with you at this pivotal time may make all the difference at a key moment further along your life's journey. The rituals you incorporate into the ceremony itself will help define your bond as they guide you into the future. The invocation of the ancestors will support you now and in times to come. The words that you speak to each other as vows of your love will stay in your hearts forever. Give yourself and your beloved the gift of making every facet of your joining sacred. You are worth it.Whether your wedding ceremony lasts for less than an hour or stretches over the course of several days, Vows is designed to help bring your vision to life.I wish you a lifetime of happiness, patience, respect, and trust. May it begin now as you plan to honor your commitment by designing your own sacred ceremony.With great love,Harriette Copyright 2004 by profundities, inc. Chapter One: Reflecting on Your CommiCole, Harriette is the author of 'Vows The African-American Couples' Guide to Designing a Sacred Ceremony', published 2004 under ISBN 9780684873138 and ISBN 0684873133.