Romancing the Ordinary A Year of Simple Splendor

November The love of bare November daysBefore the coming of the snow... -- Robert Frost November loves the pilgrim soul in you and longs to erase the fretting from your frazzled face. With the holidays fast approaching, have you already grumbled away this month's gifts of grace? Family, feasting, and fussing might be en route, but November knows how to take care of you. So let her, with cold comfort charms, a winter's tale or two, sumptuous pajama suppers, and splendor in the glass. The stunning Ordinary in the simply overlooked. Let that cup runneth over with sensuous self-preservation. You Were Meant for Me To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. -- Oscar Wilde "Truly choosing to be single is very different from being single and looking for a partner or just waiting for one. After ending a long-term relationship I realized that I had never chosen to be single, it had just happened," reveals the artist and writer Sark in Eat Mangoes Naked: Finding Pleasure Everywhere and Dancing with the Pits, with the disarming candor that makes her so beloved by all her fans, including me. "So I embarked on a real love affair with myself, a mad passionate one which involved having a very singular focus on myself and my capacity for self-love. I had always been afraid to explore self-love for fear of what I would find, or not find there, or being thought of as selfish! Also, who would I be without someone to love? Could I really stop 'looking' and just look at myself? And if I was not enough for myself, how could I be enough for another? Could I be my own someone?"Sark's question is one that every woman understands she might have to ask one day, but we never expect it today. Surprise. Love's pop quiz is on the agenda right now, and it isn't multiple choice. So crib from me. You are your own someone (whether or not you're in a relationship with someone else). And though it might be a clandestine affair at the moment, it's time to go public with a little love magic called dating yourself."Dating yourself is quite possibly the most satisfying way to date. You know from the start that you're building a relationship that will last. You don't have to worry about infidelity. You always get to choose the restaurant and you never have to pretend you're in the mood to see Baywatch or anything else. You win every argument, and you'll never lie awake in the wet spot feeling unsatisfied," bad girl Cameron Tuttle assures us. Whether you're single or married, eighteen or eighty, you can date yourself. However, as Cameron points out in The Bad Girl's Guide to Getting What You Want, "When dating yourself, it's important to communicate clearly, just as in any other relationship. Make time for pillow talk a few nights a week. If you set an appointment with yourself, you'll know you have a sacred and safe place where you and your hand mirror can spend some quality time together in bed. Make a ritual of it: turn on soft romantic music, light a candle, and then speak from the heart to your own reflection. 'I love spending time with you. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. It's fun getting to know you. You make me so happy. I've never loved like this before. You complete me.' When you say the words out loud, your feelings resonate and actually become more real."I confess I snickered when I first read that passage. But skeptics make the best evangelists. "Self-seduction does sound a bit mad, doesn't it?" Anna Johnson admits with a sensuous smirk in Three Black Skirts: All You Need to Survive. But "romancing your life creates energy, energy makes you happy, being happy brings back your sense of humor, and laughing makes you pretty. Everyone is suddenly asking you, 'Are you in love?' and aBan Breathnach, Sarah is the author of 'Romancing the Ordinary A Year of Simple Splendor' with ISBN 9780743218771 and ISBN 0743218779.