Peace In The Storm Meditiations On Chronic Pain And Illness

Why Me? "You are my witnesses," declares the Lord, "And my servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he. Before me no god was formed, nor will there be one after me. I, even I, am the Lord, and apart from me there is no savior. I have revealed and saved and proclaimed-- I and not some foreign god among you. You are my witnesses," declares the Lord, "That I am God." --Isaiah 43:10-12, New International Version The first days and weeks after being diagnosed with a serious, chronic medical condition are full of questions. Indeed, it is almost as if we have become children again, having to learn how to live by a new set of rules and how to exist in a new and frightening world. This parallel continues to the questions we ask, chief among them, "Why?" We try to think of whom or what we might have come into contact with that would have infected us, or what mix of genes and environmental factors combined to bring about our illness. Was it something we ate? Something we did? Something someone else said, did, or didn't do? We comb through medical information, looking for answers. And we lift our queries to the heavens, asking God, as our Father, the same question we posed to our parents who told us to do things we didn't want to do (like chores, or sharing a toy). "Why me?" Now, in our seeming adulthood, we probably add many more words to this question when we direct it to the Lord: "Of all the people on the face of the earth, why did this illness strike me? Surely others are less diligent about keeping healthy. Surely others have more time to be ill. What about my faithful following of your teachings, Lord? Doesn't my belief in you give me an edge over those who have fallen away or, worse, have refused to listen to you? And, if you had to bring illness into my life, why did you give me something so terrible? A cold, a few headaches, the gentle physical manifestations of growing a bit older--these I would have borne in relative ease. But this? My Lord, because of this illness, my life has been turned upside down. Oh, it's true that I haven't been feeling well for a while. But my plans for the future, my careful financial planning, my close relationships are all affected by my malady. And for what purpose? Truly, before this illness, my life was going along so well! Why me?" We wait for a response from the Lord, but his answer eludes us. So, we keep asking, just as we did when we were children. But remember what our parents used to say in response to our questioning their requests? It might even be what you say to your children under the same circumstances. Certainly, it's the answer that God provides us with now. "Because I said so." Indeed, God does not have to reveal his reasons for drawing us down the path we're on. At least, not yet. He is omnipotent, over all things, including ourselves. He is the ultimate parent, his way is the highway. And he wants us to allow him to lead. The more time we spend questioning his motives, the less time we will have for embracing the experiences and insights reserved for us by the Lord. In this reading from Isaiah, God says he has chosen us to be his witnesses. How wonderful that we are chosen by him, loved by him for our whole lives! His special witnesses, in spite of, along with, our life-altering illness. Can we, then, mistrust him? Question the way he is working in our lives? Surely not! Anything that comes from God is good. And by our faith, our trust in him, our triumphs over adversity, and our love, we are living proof of this. Father in heaven, you know the questions that weigh heavily upon my heart. Just as I rejoice that you have chosen me to be witness to your awesome might, help me move from childhood to maturity about my illness.[read more]