Official Rent-A-Husband Guide to a Safe, Problem-Free Home Quick, Easy, and Effective Solutions for Everything in Need of Repair or Improvement

Tool Time Gals Getting Down to Brass Tacks Indisputably, Shakespeare was right about a name . . . as far as the rose goes, anyway. For time and space have not altered the fact that such a flower by any other name would indeed smell as sweet. But the "name game" tends to take on much higher stakesoften to the point of being a downright occupational hazardwhen it comes to naming tools of the Rent-A-Husband trade. Take a recent case in point. Arriving at the home of a family of four early one morning, Rent-A-Husband was greeted at the door by the lady of the house and her two young sons, aged five and six. His assignment for the day called for repairs to the upstairs bathroom, so he began to unload the necessary tools. It was then that he felt the piercing stares of two little sets of eyes. Both boys were completely amazed to discover that their toy tools not only came in such big sizes but really worked (without batteries, even!). Why, there were hammers that actually pounded in nails and wrenches that could turn any size screw. Most fascinating, in their minds, however, was an item known as a caulking gun, which became the tool to have. Extensive questioning resulted in the knowledge that the true purpose for this handy little device is to shoot a filler known as caulk (rhymes with "chalk") into bathroom cracks and crevices. But at this point, the boys' only concern was the acquisition of said item, for which they had far greater plans. The young lads threw caution to the wind and seized the first opportunity to make it their own. (Fortunately, their mother managedafter just two short roundsto wrestle the tool from their tiny but firm clutches.) While she was busy pointing out areas of particular concern around the sink and tub, her real husband called. In response to the question "Where's your mother?" Dad was informed, with all of the honesty and innocence a five-year-old could muster, that "Mom's upstairs with the Rent-A-Husband, showing him where to shoot his caulk." ALL YOUR DUCKS IN A ROW While most forays into the land of home repair do not pose imminent danger, ironically, the real stumbling block seems to lie neither in the tools, per se, nor in the average person's ability to work with them effectively. Rather, the problem appears to stem from the language barrier that separates those conversant with "all things handy" from the rest of the population. But now that you've decided to plunge into this "brave new world," here's a little inside information to cheer you on: Half of any repair problem is already solved when you know the right tool to use. (Naturally, knowing how to use it is the other half of the equation!) Therefore, the importance of equipping yourself with a working knowledge of the local dialect prior to storming the fortress (i.e., the local hardware store) cannot be overstated. BUT FIRST . . . To make sure you get off to a smooth start, here are Rent-A-Husband's tips on how to prepare for the new "additions": Designate a special area in which to store your tools. Although this doesn't have to be a very large spacewhether in the basement, garage, or another part of your homemake sure to keep everything neat and orderly, with easy access. You'll really appreciate it if a pipe bursts some night at 3 a.m. (which has been known to happen!). Buy the best you can afford. As with most other long-term material investments, it doesn't pay to cut corners when shopping for tools. So, if you think the "good wrench fairy" is smiling down on you because you've come across six for the price of one, you're probably just blinded by the glare of half a dozen shiny yet inferior wrenches that are destined to lose both their glitter and their usefulness practically before you getWarren, Kaile R. is the author of 'Official Rent-A-Husband Guide to a Safe, Problem-Free Home Quick, Easy, and Effective Solutions for Everything in Need of Repair or Improvement' with ISBN 9780767906968 and ISBN 0767906969.