Obsessive Love: When It Hurts Too Much to Let Go - Susan Forward - Mass Market Paperback

Chapter 1 The One Magic Person I can't believe I did all those things. The phone calls, the drive-bys, the letters, the tantrums, the threats ... it just wasn't me. But it took me so long to get him out of my head. The way he looked, the way he smelled, the way he touched me ... he drove me crazy. Margaret It was Margaret's last day of therapy. She had worked hard to break free from the painful obsessive patterns that had been plaguing her for the past three years, and she had largely succeeded. She was a very different woman from the depressed, desperate, volatile Margaret I had first met a year and a half earlier. Margaret is a willowy, red-haired, thirty-four-year-old divorcee who works as a paralegal with a large law firm. She came to see me because her preoccupation with Phil a lover who was clearly not interested in a monogamous relationship was making her feel like she was losing control of both her personal and her professional life. She was becoming increasingly short-tempered with her ten-year-old son. She was making careless mistakes at work. And she was alienating her friends by avoiding them, not only because she wanted to be available in case Phil called, but also because her friends were virtually unanimous in their criticism of Phil. The Thrill of a New Romance Margaret met Phil about six years after she divorced her husband. She had been dating on and off but had been unable to find anyone with whom she was interested in establishing a serious relationship. After six years, she was getting pretty discouraged. She hated the bar scene. She had already met most of the single men her friends knew, but nothing had developed. She had even gone to a video dating service both the dates she'd had as a result had been disappointing. Margaret met Phil at the courthouse while she was assisting her boss in the defense of an embezzlement suspect. Phil was a police officer, testifying in a highly publicized murder case. Margaret first saw him in the cafeteria during the lunch break. Margaret This gorgeous hunk sat down across from me and it was lust at first sight, which hadn't happened to me in years. We started talking and he asked me out that same night. I remember coming home after that date and as soon as I closed the door I broke into this little victory dance. Within a week we were seeing each other almost every night. It was an incredible high. During the day he'd call me at work and I'd get the most delicious butterflies in my stomach just hearing his voice. I was really in heaven. Even though Margaret was describing the beginnings of what was to become an intensely obsessive relationship, there is nothing in her description that could not just as easily describe the beginnings of some healthy relationships. Most of us relish the giddy feelings that Margaret talked about. When we first fall in love, we feel like we're walking on air. Flowers smell more fragrant, music sounds more beautiful, the sky seems bluer, our pulse quickens, our mood soars. These heightened sensations are not just imaginary. Physical changes are triggered in our bodies by romantic feelings, hopes, and fantasies. Our heartbeat quickens, we become flushed, our adrenaline pumps, we experience hormonal changes, and our brains release endorphins the body's natural opiate. As a result of all this chemical activity, love is a physical state as well as a state of mind. The Idealized Lover In the thrill and passion of a new romance, it is only natural to see a lover through rose-colored glasses. We go out of our way to see only what we want to see, filtering our perceptions through romantic expectations and dreams. This optimistic filtering of reality is calledForward, Susan is the author of 'Obsessive Love: When It Hurts Too Much to Let Go - Susan Forward - Mass Market Paperback' with ISBN 9780553296747 and ISBN 0553296744.