Not Guilty The Good News for Working Mothers

Preface from "Not Guilty!" This book was born the day I walked up the steps to my daughter's first child care center, wondering if I was doing the right thing.As I mounted the dark and dreary staircase to Basic Trust Infant and Toddler Center on Manhattan's Upper West Side, I was nearly certain that all the horror stories I had heard about day care would be true. The paint in the stairwell was peeling; the gates on the door were locked tight. It almost felt like a prison, hardly a place I'd want to leave my three-month-old infant. I had arrived here only out of desperation, when I could find no other alternative.Yet once I crossed the threshold, a new world opened for me -- one that called into question everything I had ever been told about child care. Although the stairway and the setting were institutional, nothing else about this center was. And the "strangers" who would look after Rachel soon turned into extended family and confidants. At the time, I did not know that Basic Trust was a national model, a very special place in America in 1984. As a new mother, I did not realize the staff were unusual -- trained as they were in early childhood development. I only knew that the moment Rachel and I walked in, we both felt at ease.With its well-worn couches, toys, and books, this place was like home -- except that the adults in charge seemed to know a lot more about babies than I did at the time. I sank down in the couch to watch and knew that my idea of child care would never be the same. Rachel, even at a mere three months, was clearly enthralled. Although she could not yet crawl, she thrust her whole body and arms out toward the other two babies on the floor, eager to join in the fun.Rachel did thrive at Basic Trust, or "B.T," as we and the other families called it. But my doubts and questions about Rachel's care dogged me for the next two years, often inspired by friends, neighbors, and relatives. "Isn't it a long day for her?" was one of the most frequent queries. "Couldn't you find anyone to come to your apartment?" was another. And over and over again, people would say, "Too bad you have to work."There were many days, of course, when I'd rather have been with my new baby. Indeed, I didn't leave her in anyone else's care even once in the first three months. As a first-time mother, I couldn't bear the separations. And even though I loved B.T, I delayed starting her in the program until six months after my initial visit. As luck would have it, I found a part-time caregiver, a Brazilian woman named Cacilda, the very week I needed to resume work. She came to me highly recommended from a family I knew. Cacilda was an experienced mother herself, a grandmother, in fact, who relaxed me about leaving Rachel for a few days each week. She cared for Rachel at home until I was ready for B.T.But there were also plenty of times when I knew that both Rachel and I were better off when I had a few days for writing and she had a few days at B.T. She was attached to the other babies and to the caregivers, and she was happy. We sang the songs she learned there; we played the games at home. We got to know the other families there, through monthly gatherings and potluck parties.The same year that Rachel started B.T., I began to get my education about the difficulties mothers were having in the workplace. An editor atSavvy,a monthly magazine aimed at working women, asked me to write about the new generation of moms juggling professional jobs and families. Back in 1985, such women were still rare.Savvywanted a practical story, tips for moms on how to survive on the job after the baby was born. So that is what I served up, and what the magazine printed at the time.But what stayed with me over the years was something else: the anger and pain I heard in women's voices as they described the choices they had to make between work and family. The feelings came pouring out in intervHolcomb, Betty is the author of 'Not Guilty The Good News for Working Mothers' with ISBN 9780684867250 and ISBN 0684867257.