Lovelock

CHAPTER ONE Leavetaking If I had known what Mayflower held for me, I might have stayed in New Hampshire. Even if I had been dragged screaming from our clapboard house, I could have hidden myself before we ever got on the space shuttle. Carol Jeanne would have searched, of course, and for a long time. But she would never have found me, and, as much as she would have mourned my loss, eventually she would have left without me. There was a new world waiting for herto observe it, understand it, and transform it. The playground of her dreams. What was love compared to that? I had already lost her; I should have known. Who can compete with a new planet for a gaiologist's heart? But at the time I was too naive to understand anything that mattered. In those days my devotion to Carol Jeanne was so strong that even if I had known what would happen on the Ark, the terrible things I would do, the frightening course my life would take, I still would have gone with her, gladly. It didn't occur to me that I could live for a single day without her. What would a little murder have mattered to me then? I was besotted. From the moment Carol Jeanne received her invitation, there was no doubt that she would accept it. I also welcomed the move to the village of Mayflower on the interstellar Ark. A great adventure;shewas so happy I couldn't help but be delighted myself. And there was a personal benefit: the artificial atmosphere of the Ark would be warmer and brighter than New England's. Because I was Carol Jeanne's witness, she and I were so close that the two of us were almost one individual. On the morning we left she awoke me first, before she got her own husband out of bed. "Lovelock," she whispered, leaning over my pillow. "Are you awake? It's time." I was instantly alert, but I lay in bed with my eyes closed, knowing she would put her hand on my forehead to awaken me. Her touch was so gentle. "Lovelock! I know you're awake. I can feel you trembling." I couldn't help that; my body always gives me away. I raised my hand and squeezed her finger, the way I always greeted her in the mornings. When I opened my eyes, she was smiling. "That's better, you wretched little slug. We'll be leaving soon. Make yourself some breakfast; I'll get everyone else out of bed." I lay in bed for a moment or two, as Carol Jeanne went to awaken Red. It was a thankless task, because Red was a heavy sleeper, lethargic and snappish in the mornings, thinking only of himself. Usually Carol Jeanne let him awaken himself after we had gone to work. In his own sweet time, he'd rouse himself and then make breakfast for Lydia and Emmy. At the end of each day, when we saw him after work, he had transformed himself into the perfect husband and father. I always suspected that Red's real personality was the early morning one, when his guard was down and he was nasty and irritable. But even if the nice evening self was a fake, I still gave him points for trying. I heard Carol Jeanne awaken him in the next room, but not as tenderly as she had awakened me moments before. She knew the difference between us. Red grunted a reply and stumbled toward the bathroom. Sounded like a morning I should stay away from him for at least an hour. I went to the kitchen and tore open three bananas for breakfast. When I returned to the sleeping area, both the girls were awake. Emmy, like all human babies, was completely useless and incompetent, even now that she was old enough to walk. She was wet, but instead of taking her soggy diaper off, she just stood there crying, doing nothing to help, nothing even tocooperateas Carol Jeanne struggled to get her into fresh clothes. Humans aConstantine, Storm is the author of 'Lovelock' with ISBN 9780312877514 and ISBN 031287751X.