Leading Between Two Worlds Lessons from the First Mexican-born Treasurer of the United States

1. Articulating Darkness Lean in close, I need to share a secret with you. To fully understand it,I'll need to take you back to 1963, to the root of the darkness: a placewhere one of the most painful experiences in my life once festered. I was abubbling five-year-old in Mexico City and, like many children, I was afraidof the dark. Nightfall unfurled itself like a vast canvas on which I paintedmy troubling thoughts. I'd nudge awake my younger sister Margarita, alreadysoundly sleeping next to me, and ask her to accompany me to the bathroom.I'd pray and pray for the fears to go away, but they remained my constantcompanions. I didn't fear some unidentifiable bogeyman lurking in theshadows; no, he was a lot more real than that. While I struggled to fallasleep, the source of my fears was most likely roaming the streets. Nightafter night, I'd consume the darkness of my secret like a vial of poison,waking up with an acrid taste still stinging my tongue. The morning sunlightwould play on my face -- signaling the start of another school day -- andthe sweet smell of my mother's cooking would waft through our small house.The spell would be suspended until the following night when the viciouscycle began again like a deeply scratched record that only I could hear. My grandmother was eighty-seven years old when she passed away in 1996; shewould never know the secret that swelled inside me, her beloved nieta. Atthe time, I believed the revelation would have been too heavy for her tobear -- crushing not only her, but also my entire family. It was a crossthat, unfortunately, didn't become lighter with the years. I dragged itaround so that no one else would have to. Now I know that some crosses werenever meant to be carried alone, especially not through darkness. It wouldbe eighteen years before I would gather enough courage to share the secretfor the first time, tearing through the dark canvas of the night to setdown my cross. It was only then that the healing would begin. Casting Off the Cross His beautiful mustache twitched to life as articulate words flowed from hismouth. To my nineteen-year-old heart, this was not only love at first sight,but I was certain I'd marry this man. Alex didn't know it at the time, buthe had captured my heart during the closing ceremony of Encuentros(Encounters), a religious retreat. Flash forward four years: it's a week before our wedding, a time when Ishould've been a carefree twenty-three-year-old about to marry her firstlove. The darkness that had plagued me since I was a child began to come tolife in my dreams. I'd wake up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat,feeling as though someone was suffocating me with a pillow. These weren'tprewedding jitters, I couldn't be surer of anything. My body was telling meit could no longer carry on with the weight that had grown on me like atumor. If I was going to live the rest of my life with Alex, I'd have tofind the words to share my darkest secret. He was the first person I'd telland no amount of rehearsing could've helped. I was plagued with doubts abouthow he would handle the news. I worried about how I'd change in his eyes. Iknew I could lose him. It ended up coming out in one long monologue, punctuated by guttural sobs. Itook a deep breath and... "I was five years old. I had already learned my letters and numbers, so mymother was able to get me into the first grade by telling the school that mybirth certificate had been lost. It seemed to do the trick. At our school,first graders were released an hour earlier than other students. My motherdidn't want me to cross the busy main boulevard to reach our house, so Iwaited for her at my grandmother's place near the school. One day mygrandmother's brother -- a slovenly, perpetually unshaved man in his lateMarin, Rosario is the author of 'Leading Between Two Worlds Lessons from the First Mexican-born Treasurer of the United States', published 2007 under ISBN 9780743286459 and ISBN 0743286456.