It's a Boy!: Understanding Your Son's Development from Birth to Age 18

CHAPTER ONE IMAGINING A BOY What Were You Thinking? ANDREW'S PARENTS ARE GRAPPLING WITH THE ISSUES that occupy the mind of every loving parent. They aren't sure how to strike a healthy balance in their son's life between sports and academics, music and video games, friends and family time. Should they let him watch TV before he cleans up his room? When should they stand firm and when should they let their son decide for himself? They agree it's too early to think about college. But while they don't want to pressure him about eventual career choices, the family business does have his name on it. "We'll just take a wait-and-see approach," his mother says gamely as she pats her very pregnant belly. It is two weeks before Andrew's due date. As for Andrew, he mostly busies himself making wide turns in utero, the bulge of his tiny foot tracing an impressive arc across his mother's midriff. Perhaps you, too, are expecting a boy. And if he is your first child or the first boy in your growing family, your curiosity and concerns about a boy's life fill your thoughts and conversations. You have heard other mothers say, "They really are different!" And, of course, they are. If they weren't, there would be no point at all in my writing this book. "Boys are easier than girls," you hear. "Boys are an open book." "Boys love their mothers." But then what do you make of all those stories about boys being uncommunicative, behaving badly or struggling through school, stifling their inner life or losing themselves on the way to becoming men? If this is your first foray into the intimate life of boys, you may be excited or nervous at the prospect. If you already have a son, or you had brothers, or you are a dad and remember your own boyhood, then your outlook on parenting a boy may have you feeling all the more confident and encouragedor wary, bracing for the worst. Perhaps you are the mother of a five-year-old boy and you are feeling a bit edgy about his interests. "My son really likes to play with guns," one mother told me. "I don't like them and I won't allow them in the house, so one day at breakfast he made a gun with his finger and his thumb and he 'shot' his brother with it! Why does he keep doing that?" If you are that mother, you may be worried that, despite your great love for your son and the good home in which he is being raised, his interest in guns is a sign that he's going to grow up to be violent and dangerous. That's an uncomfortable feeling. Perhaps you are the mother of a two-year-old and your little boy is suddenly beginning to seem different to you. He is starting to disobey you, to look right at you when he breaks a rule or touches something he's not supposed to touch. He laughs gleefully when you scold him. He seems so willful and defiant. Is that normal? Or perhaps you are the mother of an older boy who has begun to pull away from you into a boys-only world that is clearly off-limits to moms. The goodnight chats are getting shorter and details of his day less forthcoming. You've heard that happens with boys, but you and your son have been so closesurely not him, not yet! If you are a dad, perhaps you are not too proud to admit that you are a bit nervous about raising a boy, even though you were a boy yourself and you should, theoretically, know all about it. Maybe you had a hard time as a boy or have mixed feelings about your father, and you want it to be different for your son. Or perhaps you were a lucky boy and a lucky man, an enthusiastic dad who wants to get it right for your son. If you are a dad or father-Thompson, Michael is the author of 'It's a Boy!: Understanding Your Son's Development from Birth to Age 18', published 2008 under ISBN 9780345493958 and ISBN 0345493958.