Growing Up Catholic An Infinitely Funny Guide for the Faithful, the Fallen, and Everyone In-Between

I Am a Catholic. In Case of Accident, Please Call a Priest THE BALTIMORE CATECHISM: Basic Training for Young Catholics THE PROBLEM How to educate young Catholic minds in the teachings of the Church and give them a solid grounding--a rock, so to speak--on which to build their faith. THE SOLUTION Design a book that puts together the most complex theological issues, the greatest mysteries of the faith and the ways and means of performing Catholic ritual, and make it understandable to a seven-year-old, even though most of the greatest thinkers of the ages haven't quite figured it all out. Call it the Baltimore Catechism and make everyone memorize it. Why is this book called the Baltimore Catechism? This book is called the Baltimore Catechism because the catechism written in it was discussed in Baltimore. Where can you get a copy of the Baltimore Catechism? You can get one free while attending a Catholic grade school, or you can buy a copy in a religious articles store. How many editions has the Baltimore Catechism had? The Baltimore Catechism has had many editions, all of which are right and true. How can you use the Baltimore Catechism? You can and should use the Baltimore Catechism to lead a good Catholic life and attain Heaven. What will happen if you do not use what you learn in the Baltimore Catechism? You will go to Hell. THROUGH MY FAULT, THROUGH MY FAULT: The Problem of Sin Catholicism has more rules and regulations which enable you to sin than any other religion. Our preoccupation with sin is the central difference between us and everyone else. We are consumed with it; and why not? These blemishes on our souls can keep us out of Heaven, put us in Purgatory for aeons, or, God forbid, hurl us into Hell for ever and ever amen. Catholic life, then, is filled with high drama; moral tension is injected into every act. To begin with, we are born with Original Sin--like factory seconds, slightly imperfect. Baptism wipes Original Sin away, and from then on it's up to us to get our own sins and to get rid of them. There are two kinds of sin, mortal (the more serious kind) and venial. Committing a mortal sin means knowing that what you are about to do, think, want or say is really bad, but doing, thinking, wanting or saying it anyway. Most of the things we do wrong fall into the somewhat less offensive category of venial sin. Committing a venial sin means doing something that is not really so bad, or doing something really bad that you don't think is really bad or that your heart isn't really into doing. If your little brother is being a pest and you tell him to drop dead, you've committed a venial sin. If you shoot him dead, you've committed a mortal sin. While on the surface the differences between mortal and venial sin seem obvious, don't be fooled. There is more to this than meets the eye. What is "really bad" and what isn't? And more to the point, who decides? Let's take a routine situation and note all the possible pitfalls: You are at a baseball game on a Friday night. You are not supposed to eat meat on Friday. You want a hot dog. Now, just considering eating meat on Friday is a venial sin; wanting to is another one. You have not moved in your seat and you have already sinned twice. What if you actually ate one? Aside from the risk of choking on forbidden food and receiving your temporal punishment on the spot, have you committed a mortal sin or a venial sin? Well, if you think it's mortal, it may be mortal; and if you think it's venial, it still may be mortal. After much thought, you decide it's venial. You call the hot-dog vendor, you take the money out of your pocket and you buy a hot dog. This is clearly an act of free willCavolina, Mary Jane Frances is the author of 'Growing Up Catholic An Infinitely Funny Guide for the Faithful, the Fallen, and Everyone In-Between' with ISBN 9780767905978 and ISBN 0767905970.