Girlfriend's Guide to Football

Introduction Just One of the GuysFootball has traditionally been a male domain -- from the fans to the players to the coaches, "a guy thing." But the last few years have seen a surprising demographic shift. More women than ever are watching -- and playing -- football. The National Football League (NFL) estimates that currently 43 percent of its total fan base is female.It's true, and I should know. I'm one of those newly drafted female fans.My passion for football didn't light up the sky immediately. I had a healthy hatred for the game to overcome first.The great coach Vince Lombardi once said, "Football is a great deal like life in that it teaches you that work, sacrifice, perseverance, competitive drive, selflessness, and respect for authority is the price that each and every one of us must pay to achieve any goal that is worthwhile."My little sister Tricia Dickerson once said, "Football is stupid; let's go wax our legs." I agreed with my sister.My hatred for the game was still strong when football season struck last year and turned all my once close and easy to talk to male friends into idiots who spoke an incomprehensible language."Warner's calling an audible from the shotgun, he's got his wide-out in motion, and here comes the safety blitz!" Huh?I was horrified. I felt betrayed. Football had stolen my boys and I liked my boys. I mean, I really liked my boys. I liked going out, hanging out, and shootin' the proverbial poop with the guys. I think that they're funny, goofy, and generally great company. But invariably in any funny, goofy, great conversation sports come up. Soccer -- no problem, I played in high school. Hockey -- bring it on, I already wrote the book. Football -- who wants another beer?Ever since I wrote about hockey in my first Girlfriend's Guide, men love talking about the game with me. At first, some guys had a hard time believing that I was actually a fan and would challenge me. After hours of "hockey talk" and proving my true patriotism by naming the year that the Maple Leafs last won the Cup (1967, if anyone asks), they would finally believe that I knew what the heck I was talking about. Hockey became a cinch, and I not only participated in hockey roundtables with the guys, but I led the conversations and won "friendly"debates with my buddies. But when the conversation turned to football, I turned into "Teena-the-frozen-lipped-beer-fetcher." While the guys frothed at the mouth at the mere mention of the Super Bowl, I was Super Bored. Eventually, I decided that I would watch a game just to see what all the fuss was about.After watching my inaugural game of football, two thoughts struck me (which I'm sure others have had): "What the hell is going on?" and "Holy cow! Is that guy dead?" Frankly, the game terrified me. Men who looked as if they weighed about a thousand pounds collided in midair with other men who looked as if they weighed a thousand pounds. Then, every once in a while, all the players would decide to jump on one poor bastard. This poor bastard would then be squashed under a heap of blubbery bods. Miraculously, when all the hulking players had righted themselves, the poor bastard walked away (usually). But the violent acrobatics scared the bejesus out of me, and as if that wasn't enough, the game was mind-numbingly slow. The teams didn't actually seem to move, and each game seemed to last longer than the Jurassic Period. (Don't get me started on the bimbos bouncing their boobies on the sidelines.) Above all, though, the game itself was so confusing that it drove me insane. After watching a few games, I decided to stick to beer-fetching during football talk.And then theSpencer, Teena is the author of 'Girlfriend's Guide to Football' with ISBN 9781552096086 and ISBN 1552096084.