Field Guide to the Urban Hipster

The Audiophylum Family Five Species: 1. Glam Rockers 2. Goths 3. Metal Heads 4. Rude Boys (and Girls) 5. Thugz Constituting a relatively large and sprawling family, these Hipsters are traditionally grouped together due to their proclivity to assume motifs associated with some musical form. It is important to note, however, that most specimens are thus categorized based merely on appreciation. That is, while some may in fact entertain or perform, they are not distinguished by creativity. GLAM ROCKERS Male exterior: Thin; wiry. Tight pants; sleeveless T-shirt. markings: Heavy, shimmery makeup (eyeliner, eye shadow, lip gloss). plumage: Spiky. movement: Ornate and theatrical. voice: Syrupy, with affected intonation. Female [rare, not pictured] exterior: Thin, attractive, and boyish; prepubescent. Tight, fashionable clothing. Noted for their flamboyant, tarted-up appearance, Glam Rockers are perhaps the friendliest and least judgmental of all Hipsters. As such, they invite no known specific natural enemy, though, like many artistic or sexually ambiguous breeds, often suffer general derision ("Fags!") at the hands of most male Graecus species [see, especially, Ex-Frats]. These Hipsters are, at present, quite rare. In fact, most casual observers respond to the very mention of Glam Rockers with an astounded "They still exist?" They do, though much of their minuscule natural environment was recently further depleted through the concerted effort of the New York City political establishment [e.g., the raids on Coney Island High and Life]. While not targeting Glam Rockers per se, these crackdowns diminished the visibility of the general art scene with which they are associated. Though the ecological rape of their habitat has removed the species from much of public view, small pockets of these Hipsters do remain alive in the wild [see Habitat, below]. As endangered, they present quite a challenge to observers. While much of the species' culture centers around dated music, fashion, and iconography, periodic blips on the pop radar screen have served to keep the scene somewhat fresh [e.g., Velvet Goldmine, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, the Toilet Boys, et al.]. Sexual Identity; Orientation: Glam Rockers, particularly males, present a look of absolute androgyny. As with most aspects of the scene, said androgyny is modeled after an ideal of the 1970s [e.g., David Bowie ca. Ziggy Stardust, New York Dolls, et al.], as opposed to the Glam Rock aesthetic of the 1980s, during which makeup was worn by obviously straight, otherwise masculine males [e.g., Poison]. Today, many male Glam Rockers are homosexual, bisexual, or sexually ambiguous. Mating Habits: When mating, Glam Rockers tend to stick to their own kind. Coupled boys look strikingly similar to one another, making observation doubly fruitful. In addition, Glam Rockers are never spotted alone; they move only in pairs (same sex or mixed). While certainly homoerotic, the species is not exclusively homosexual. Male specimens do attract females, who remain undeterred by the male's possible preference for Hipsters of his own gender. Glam Rock Girls function in the scene as equals and are, genitalia aside, exact counterparts of the males--thin, attractive, and fashionable; their androgyny takes the form of prepubescent boyishness. By Day/By Night: Glam Rockers are nocturnal creatures. Most pass through the sunlight hours in a substance-induced state of perfect sleepiness, rising in time to report for the night jobs [e.g., musicians, club workers, wait staff, go-go dancers] that fund their drug habits (cocaine, etc.), their socializing (alcohol, condoms), and their expenses (rent, makeup, glitter). Certain Hipsters do venture out-of-doors during daylight hours. Such specimens shed theirAiello, Josh is the author of 'Field Guide to the Urban Hipster', published 2003 under ISBN 9780767913720 and ISBN 0767913728.