Escape of the Mini-Mummy

PROLOGUEHey, welcome to my prologue.Don't worry, it's pretty short. I'm just going to tell you three things you need to know before you read this book, and then we're out of here. Ready?Number One.A diorama is NOT the same as diarrhea.Let's be very, very clear about this all-important difference. A diorama is in no way related to diarrhea. The two words are not even distant cousins.A diorama is something that shows a scene that happened in history, like the first guy walking on the moon or the Pilgrims landing at Plymouth Rock. Personally, I like to build my dioramas out of shoe boxes. You know, throw in a couple of Lego guys with swords and maybe some leaves or dirt and bamo-slamo, you've got yourself an instant diorama. Some kids, mostly of the girl variety, go all out with fluorescent paints and pipe cleaners and glitter and feathers and stuff. Take my little sister Goldie. She glued clumps of real broccoli onto poster board to make Robin Hood's forest. And my other sister, Lark, made a herd of African antelopes out of hair from a squirrel's tail.If you ask me, and I know you didn't, that's diorama insanity.Now diarrhea, on the other hand, is something entirely different. It doesn't illustrate anything from history, that's for sure. I don't want to gross you out with too many details, because we're only in the prologue and not even in the real book yet. So let me just say that diarrhea involves a toilet and an upset stomach and some highly unusual body sounds.In this book, you'll never want to confuse a diorama with diarrhea. Enough said.Number Two.I shrink. Not all the time, but way more than your average sixth grader. Since last Wednesday, I've shrunk to the size of the fourth toe on my left foot seven times. Eight, if you count that time I fell in the toilet, although I refuse to count that because I'm trying to forget it ever happened. Hey, you try swimming in a toilet bowl and see how much you want to remember it.Number Three.I have a twin brother named Pablo who is exactly as big as the fourth toe on my left foot. He doesn't grow or shrink, just stays his same old toe-sized self. I only discovered him last Wednesday, when I shrunk for the first time. He's been around my whole life, but I never knew it. My Great Granny Nanny, who is the only other person who knows about him, tells me he was born in my ear.Wait a minute, are you laughing? Cut me a break, will you? I mean, at least try to be a little sensitive to my situation here. If you told me that you had a secret twin brother named Pablo who was the size of your toe and hatched in your ear, I wouldn't laugh.Okay, maybe I would. But I would try not to.So there you have it...just like I promised. Three things you need to know and we're done. Prologue over. Listen, I hope it wasn't too funky for you. I've certainly been known to push the funk-o-meter to its limit. But that's how it is when you're Daniel Funk.Oh yeah, that's me. What's up?Text copyright 2008 by Lin OliverCHAPTER 1The Funkster's Funky Fact #1: It is impossible for two people to see the same rainbow."Daniel, you're disgusting!" my sister Goldie called out as she ran in the front door, letting it slam hard behind her."Thanks, Goldie. Nice to see you, too," I answered in my best be-nice-to-little-sister tone of voice.I was kicking back on the living room couch, watching some sports highlights on the wide screen, just trying to enjoy my Sunday afternoon. Until the Goldie attack, that is."Daniel, we have to talk," Goldie said.Of all the words in the English language, I think those four -- "we have to talk" -- are my least favorite. People like my sisters (if you can call them people) always say it when I'm in the middle of something great, like a TV show or a video game. And who wants to talk then? Definitely not me."Take a load off, GoldiOliver, Lin is the author of 'Escape of the Mini-Mummy', published 2008 under ISBN 9781416909590 and ISBN 1416909591.