Chicken Soup for the Soul Celebrates Teachers

Getting to Know You: Anger and Couples In this chapter, we explore the role of conflict in intimate relationships: how past history can play into a present relationship and how to cultivate a healthy relationship. You will find out how to change destructive patterns. You will learn tools and strategies for expressing anger in ways that support a strong and satisfying relationship with your partner. The Peaks and Valleys of Intimacy Sally and Greg's relationship is one of respect and mutual support. In their sixties, they love to play tennis and hike. Yet the two are very different people. Sally has written and posted detailed instructions on how to load the dishwasher. Greg lives for spontaneity and a bit of chaos. He likes to take off skiing at a moment's notice. Greg compares their relationship to an effective football team: ""The quarterback's skills are different from the linebacker's, but you need both to score points."" Greg accepts that Sally's posted instructions and detailed ""to-do"" lists are symbolic of her skill at organizing the household. Sally realizes that Greg's fun-loving nature and spontaneity are part of what makes the family fun, making it easier for her to tolerate his sudden ski trips. Their arguments tend to stay focused on the specific issue at hand and do not spill over into criticism of each other's personality traits. It wasn't always like this. Greg admits, ""Early on in our marriage, we both thought about divorce. We were so angry at each other. I guess what kept us together was that we came from broken families where divorce had hurt everybody. We didn't want that."" The Road Not Taken It's important to remember that conflict in a relationship actually demonstrates that partners care and that they trust each other enough to face those conflicts. Successful conflict builds trust that leads to true intimacy and love. Most couples face challenges in their relationships. Relationships are filled with peaks and valleys. Often we view the peaks as the end-all and be-all. But while the valley may not have the breathtaking views of the mountaintop, it does have its own gifts: wildflowers, a sparkling brook and wild strawberries to taste and savor. If you think of the very first mountaintop as the peak of infatuation and lust, you can probably remember a time that first valley seemed like such a disappointment. What a shock to discover you were traversing the mountain with someone who chews cereal loudly enough to wake up the neighboring campers. This progression out of initial infatuation may take you by surprise. However, those couples who never fight, who never enter the valley, are at the most risk for eventual separation. We are surprised when the ""perfect couple"" separates because ""they never argued."" Exactly. Conflict, successfully dealt with, builds the trust that is necessary for real love. And that is why time in the valley is so important. Time in the valley can meanCanfield, Jack L. is the author of 'Chicken Soup for the Soul Celebrates Teachers' with ISBN 9780757301049 and ISBN 0757301045.