Big Kiss: One Actor's Desperate Attempt to Claw his way to the top - Henry Alford - Hardcover

"AT THE END OF the four weeks, you'll know whether or not you should continue acting." On the first day of the summer session of the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art, these slightly ominous words tumbled from the mouth of Peter Craze, the ruggedly handsome director overseeing the division of fourteen actors in which RADA had placed me. I was sitting with my colleagues in a vast, white classroom on the third floor of RAMs annex, where, as I gazed out the sunshine-drenched windows overlooking Chenies Street in the Bloomsbury area of London, I had started to daydream. I had been thinking about notable RADA graduates who had performed Hamlet-John Gielgud, Kenneth Branagh, and Ralph Fiennes came to mind-which, in a tiny flare-up of ego, had led me to wonder if I would ever get to tackle the Dane. Suddenly I saw myself backstage at a venerable West End theater, nervously pacing on my opening night. Beside me is RADA's patron, the queen, who, earlier in her chambers has fed my anxiety about playing Hamlet by exhorting me to "do it for RADA, old boy!" I peer out into the audience from the wings, and my eyes bulge with amazement: The theater is so vast! Will I ever be able to fill it with golden sound? Her Majesty lays her hand on my shoulder and then counsels, "Breath support, dearie!" .............. BUT, SOFT, WHAT'S THIS? Whether or not you should continue acting... A note of potential doom. An asp in the proverbial garden, a rodent in my very leotard. Casting a glance at my fellow actors, I grew concerned: Had I flown all the way to London, my copy of Shakespeare's collected works clutched to my bosom, only to learn that money-making and tights-wearing were, as far as I was concerned, mutually exclusive concepts? Had I ponied up close to three thousand dollars for training and accommodations and meals, only to be told to keep my day job? Granted, we summer-session students had not, like the students in the three-year program, had to audition, and so there were likely to be some stargazers whose illusions would be shattered. But was I to be one of them? Craze-an actor and director with West End and off-Broadway credits-explained that on the last day of the month-long session, he would meet with each one of us privately and deliver his sentence. An image popped into my mind: A Heathrow customs official presses a handheld stamp into an inkpad and then emblazons my forehead CARGO. I HAD FALLEN asleep at the banquet of Life; at some point during my thirty-fourth year, the better part of my spirit and personality seemed to have crawled under the covers. I had become reclusive and slightly sullen; I showed little or no interest in working with others or in making new friends. My six-year relationship with my boyfriend, Jess, too, was showing signs of stasis. Where was my zest? Where was my verve? At about the same time that I became aware of my gradual brownout, I had an epiphany. Namely, that three of the peak moments of my adult life had hinged on, or involved, performing. A magazine article I wrote in 1991 had landed me on The Tonight Show. A reading I had given in New York City had led to my first book deal. And I had decided that Jess was the man for me when, on our second date, he agreed to my suggestion that we read each other our favorite short stories. Like you, I was in Oklahoma! in high school; I wore a series of colorful bandanas and uttered one line, "Don't tetch 'im-he's daid '" stretching out daid to at least two syllables. In nursery school in New Haven, asked what farm animal I wanted to be in the class play, I had opted for "earthworm." In short, I had not been without early signs of professional aptitude. But once I became an adult, I formed that essentially elitist opinion that most people have toward actors: If they are successful, we can be drawn to them with near-religious intensity, subtlyAlford, Henry is the author of 'Big Kiss: One Actor's Desperate Attempt to Claw his way to the top - Henry Alford - Hardcover' with ISBN 9780679438731 and ISBN 0679438734.