Beautylicious The Black Girl's Guide to the Fabulous Life

Chapter One Queen Me I'm a winner, baby. -Diana Ross, Mahogany Literary wit and bon vivant Oscar Wilde said, "To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance." These are the words to live by. This is the bedrock of beautyliciousness: self-acceptance. Self-acceptance and self-esteem are about being in love with you, about having the ability to truly appreciate your talents, beauty, and uniqueness, and, above all, being comfortable with yourself. You put the bomb in bombshell. Your looks are smoldering, your personality is dynamic, and the total you is, well, kaboom! Wow! Though you may find yourself asking, "Where is that incendiary minx? Hmm, does she only come out for All Saints Day and the lunar eclipse?" Most of the time you are slinking around like a sweet but meek calico kitty, because you don't quite believe that God's been so good to you. Clearly, you're oblivious to how great you are. You're not alone. The truth is that balancing and maintaining your self-esteem is a lifelong process, one that no one is exempt from. Trust, all of the Dolls, from Josephine Baker to Halle Berry, have had their doubts, doubters, and detractors, but they've also had their hype list, affirmations, goals, and vision. Everyone has had to learn to push past her fears and underlying thoughts of "I'm just an ashy, knock-kneed gal from Harlem" to project "I'm the cat's meow." It may not have been easy; yet they put one Ferragamo-shod foot in front of the other in a soulful strut toward their dream. Sure, you'll fall, but what separates Ms. Beautylicious from the rest of the girls is that she'll get up confident, determined, and laughing. Think of confidence as a verb. It is an action. When you're feeling less than sizzling, do something! It takes an arsenal of mind games, affirmations, and reinforcements to appear confident when you really want to use your head for soccer practice. And, it takes grace, humility, and a bit of humor to recover from life's pratfalls. Don't worry, you'll reclaim the incendiary minx that has always been there. Use the confidence-building tools in your arsenal, but always remember Beautylicious rule number one: You rule! Cast Down Your Buckets So advised Booker T. Washington in his famous Atlanta conference speech. He was exhorting black folks on how to cope with racism during the turn of the twentieth century. While his advice was, in hindsight, umm, too accommodating of the racial mores of the time, it's right on time for Ms. Beautylicious. Cast down your buckets and pick up your mirror to lovingly assess your unique beauty and to start embracing yourself as you are now. Anyone can think she's ready to take over the world after her weave is sewn in or she's dropped twenty pounds, but the base of boomin' beautyliciousness is appreciating what you have now, whether it's your favorite feature or not. When you look in the mirror, know that the person reflected deserves love, fun, loads of fulfilling sex, success, Louis Vuitton bags, and all the best that life has to offer; claim these things and more as your due. And, when a flashback or a bad-hair day has rocked your fab foundation, be sure to reach for your looking glass and caress yourself. How? Try this technique, developed by therapist Carolyn Hillman in her book Love Your Looks: Show Compassion for whatever you are feeling about yourself, nonjudgmentally. Accept yourself and your appearance. Respect yourself for who you are. Encourage yourself to take the risks and the steps to achieve what you want out of life as you are now. Support yourself by believing in yourself and reassuring yourself that how you look is fine. Stroke yourself by praising yourself and giving yourself credit for trying. The love fest starts this minute! Don't Play That Song for MeRaines, Jenyne M. is the author of 'Beautylicious The Black Girl's Guide to the Fabulous Life' with ISBN 9780767911108 and ISBN 0767911105.