Basic Black Home Training for Modern Times

Chapter 1 IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING "If you're going to play the game properly, you'd better know every rule." Barbara Jordan Here's where we run through the basics. And basics are the foundation upon which good home training is built. You know what the basics are; you learned them in Sunday school. Or at the knees of your mother, grandmother, and aunts. And though the hectic pace of daily life sometimes threatens to hide that foundation, you know that if you reach deeply enough, you'll find the basics right there when you need them. Manners transcend social status, race, and gender. Courtesy and consideration help to make the unbearable parts of life a little more bearable. And you probably know, from having met one (or better, being one yourself), that a person who is considerate of others is welcome almost anywhere. All major religions have a simple phrase that distills what good manners are: doing unto others as you would like others to do unto you. This Golden Rule applies to friendships, workplace relationships, romances, and family interaction--virtually all human relationships. The basics of good manners (besides the above) include the very things that, in another age, were referred to in our culture as "home training." We're sure you remember them. They include the following: Respect for Elders -Standing (if sitting) when being introduced -Offering to pull up a chair or help put on a coat -Offering a seat when on public transportation -Speaking respectfully (saving one's slang for one's peers) -Offering to serve as an extra pair of arms and legs: "May I bring you some dessert, Aunt Emma? Let me tell you what's on the buffet table." "Would you like me to reach that for you? Those cereal boxes are always stacked up so high!" "Excuse me, but you dropped your change purse." CP Time We all know what CP time is. But when we let our personal clocks dominate Greenwich mean time, all kinds of trouble happens. (We've been told this is not endemic to "colored people"--a Jewish friend assures us there's JPT, an Italian IPT, etc.) If you're going to be late meeting a personal friend, try to call so she's not kept waiting. Definitely call ahead as soon as you know you won't arrive at a business or professional appointment on time. (Here's where cellular phones can be a blessing: "I'm calling from my car; a big accident up the road has tied things up for miles. I'm afraid I'm going to be at least twenty minutes late; would you check to see if he'd still like me to come, or should we reschedule?") The same should apply to an appointment with a doctor, lawyer, or hairstylist: call and let them know you've been delayed for reasons beyond your control, ask if it will still be convenient for you to come, or, if not, if you can reschedule the appointment. People often don't mind trying to accommodate you if they feel you've shown them a little consideration. For someone who owns his own business or who bills by the hour, time is literally money. And this works two ways: doctors should not keep their patients waiting, either. Note: Do not have a chronic excuse. If you're always late for a haircut because of "heavy traffic" or some other excuse, sooner or later your stylist will simply factor in your habitual late time and make you wait. If you always overbook your patients or clients, sooner or later they vote with their feet and move elsewhere. Excuses, Excuses, Excuses Sometimes excuses are unavoidable: your child becomes sick at the last moment; you get a flat tire; your plane leaves late. In those cases, you explain briefly what's delayed you or forced your deadline back: "Janet, I'm so sorry. We were planning to come to your party tonight, but Courtney has a sore throat and a temperature. I hope we haven't inconvenienced you too muBates, Karen Grigsby is the author of 'Basic Black Home Training for Modern Times' with ISBN 9780767907316 and ISBN 0767907310.